let’s do a quick recap:
i’m a single parent of two boys in the bay area. my closest family is in nyc. when my little guy was about 3 years old i started getting these right-sided chest pains that would last for about two weeks at a time. my doctor could not figure out what it was. then the pandemic happened. those years were the hardest to not have a partner. i woke up looking at the news every day unable to believe that i was the only adult in my household. but we got through it and still haven’t had covid to date. but about a year after that, i switched doctrs and figured out what those chest pains were: they were lung collapses caused by hormonal fluctuations. my docs now suspect that it is catamenial pneumothorax. anyway, they seems to think it was very treatable with surgery so we began prepping with a CT scan to check the health of my lungs. that’s when they saw a nodule in my “healthy lung.” they were worried it was cancer but couldn’t verify through biopsy or PT scan. I decided to have that lobe removed and it turned out they were right—it was cancer. Early stage so the prognosis is positive. But then two weeks later I got one of those lung collapses on the other side and needed another surgery. That surgery failed and 4 months later I needed another surgery. 3 lung surgeries in 5 months. The recovery was painful but I got through and started feeling physically stronger with each month. I even started running short distances again at my six month mark.
at the end of 2022, i was able to get on a plane for my cousin’s wedding and i felt lilke things were stabilizing. but then i started noticing new symptoms and working with different specialists to determine what else is going on. i started experiencing extremely dry eyes, shortness of breath, social anxiety, mouth changes…it felt like a different symptom every week. my fear of recurrence was paralyzing. and then my family experienced the sudden loss of a very dear and young member of our community—my son’s best friend.
in my devastation, i couldn’t sleep. which added to my symptoms. my ears started ringing, i was having panic attacks when i was outside of the house and ended up in the emergency room for shortness of breath and muscle weakness.
i didn’t know what was going on…was this jus my body still recovering? was it perimenopause? was it grief? post traumatic stress disorder? all of the above?
it became clear that i was not able to function effectively so i checked into a six-week mental health program to help me manage my anxiety, thanks to my sister, my community and my doctors who encouraged me to seek more support because my meditation and yoga were just not cutting it.
i’m someone who strives for wellness—for myself, my family and my community.. these last three years have really challenged me to solidify and deepen my practices. i’ve been able to sort through what’s menopause, what’s anxiety and what’s post-surgery rehabilitation… and there is a lot of overlap.. i’ve tried a lot of new things—some clearly work well and some are still a work in progress for me. i hope that sharing what i’ve learned/am learning can be helpful to someone out there.